Trusting the Path

"Be thankful for all of life's nuances - and keep trusting!" ~ Susan Larison Danz

It seems it is a continual experience as a parent, even as many years pass, to repeatedly need to surrender to trust.  I'm not sure we ever really master this, though I suppose we can improve.  Spirituality does help.  

What does it mean to trust the path?  

It's not just about trusting in your own path - it is trusting in the paths of everyone you care about - and yes, of course, the two are not completely separate.  

There's always some new experience, some new challenge, some new adventure, and it begins even before the very first moment, which is an adventure in itself.  

Do we ever really learn to surrender?  Perhaps, and maybe not.  It's a process that repeats.  

Eventually, of course, it happens in reverse, and they are needing to trust in YOUR path, too, so it's a mutual experience.  This is Love on Planet Earth.

The more we can manage to trust the path, even when it's difficult, the more we can breathe into it, the more approachable it becomes.  Is it ever really perfect?  Does it need to be?  

 

 Path photo by Susan Larison Danz.

 

A Wonderful Choice

"When we women offer our experience as our truth, as human truth, all the maps change. There are new mountains." ~ Ursula K. Le Guin

 

I was intending to write about this particular topic tonight, as International Women's Day draws to a close, and my Facebook memories from last year conveniently provided the text.

 

There are a few things I'd like to add this year.  Covid-19 has shown many full-time working parents what it is like to be at home with their children.  Without a doubt, I believe some parents will yearn for this to continue.  I have a great deal of experience in the workplace as a "work-at-home" Mom,  and I do feel this needs to come with the flexibility to work less than a full time schedule, as I'm sure many parents have discovered how challenging it is to work full time with children at home - and I was not even engaged in home schooling at the time, though I was very active as a school and community volunteer.  I believe parents should have a choice, if daycare outside the home is subsidized, to receive the same subsidy, if choosing to be home with their children.  This would open the opportunity up to parents of all income levels - and to their children. 

 

Here is an excerpt from my post from last year:

   

Happy International Women's Day! Let's honor the choices people make in their lives. In my life, I am very grateful I had the opportunity to be a stay-at-home Mom. If you are in the position to be a stay-at-home parent (and I know not everyone is - Mom, Dad or Grandparent!), it's the most rewarding life I can imagine, and I will never regret that choice. It doesn't matter how many degrees you have or how successful, that choice is worthwhile. I could have used very rare at the time in-the-workplace daycare, and my career was extremely successful, but it wasn't enough. I kept my career going, in its own way. 

 

I later returned to the full time workforce [in the office] (after life circumstances shifted) and took my career as high as I ever could have wanted, yet also observing the toll that this takes and the balancing act many women face. Then circumstances arrived which brought me home again, and that too was what it needed to be. It is absolutely amazing, being a stay-at-home parent. And I was led to astonishing volunteer opportunities as well, and multiple non-profit leadership roles in the schools and in the community. 

 

These days, this choice seems to be considered a "lesser choice", like expecting all children to go into daycare at a very young age is "the best way", and no doubt later, after school care. No. It isn't. Not for many parents and not for many children. Daycare is important, yes, for those who need or seek it, but I made my choice for a reason, and it was absolutely right. (When the time came for preschool, yes, that was wonderful to make that a part of our lives, but only part-time, and part-time kindergarten as well - full time would have been far too intense at that age for many children, had it been required. Choices are important!) I'm grateful I was in the position to make the choice to be home with my child - I wish more people could be, and I did make sacrifices for it, but considering that choice "less" is simply not the truth.

 

 

 

Spring Flowers photo by Susan Larison Danz.

 

 

Shifting from Fear-Based Authority to Love-Based Respect

Lately I have been contemplating how our historical societal beliefs in a strict, judgmental authoritarian God have influenced just about every aspect of our lives, from marriage, to parenting, to schools, to the workplace, to government itself.

When you view the Creator of the Universe as a gentle Loving partner and guide, as something truly inseparable from us all, that is a paradigm shift with profound effects on how we view relationships and leadership in general.

In marriage, some may be surprised to know that there are still many people who believe the husband should be in a leadership role, based on their beliefs, although how they interpret their beliefs does indeed influence how much of a partnership exists in marriage, as opposed to the husband taking on a strict authoritarian role. I have explored this topic online in the past, with interesting responses on all sides. In fact, it was one of the most popular posts I ever created on the Oprah forum, with almost 23,000 views and over 200 replies (Let's Discuss What the Bible Says About Women ). I learned a lot from that thread regarding how marriage is gradually evolving towards more of a respectful partnership, even very subtly in conservative circles (though many women still disempower themselves daily). There are some who are attempting to re-assert the authority of men in marriage, but I believe such attempts will ultimately fail, as more and more women claim their truly equal status in marriage and in society.

As a parent, when a child behaves inappropriately, it is easier to lay down the law in an strict, authoritarian way, than to act as a gentle guide. Yes, younger children require more direct intervention, if they are about to run into the street, for example - however, HOW you go about this is very important. James Dobson and "Focus on the Family" still advocate authoritarian methods of parenting, even physical punishment. However, many parents are now evolving towards a different model altogether, as indicated by the popularity of "Love and Logic" parenting classes.

A strict authoritarian approach does not truly teach a child. All it does is instill fear of punishment, just like strict, authoritarian depictions of God. Fear may be a motivator, but it's not a truly productive one, and ultimately this is why children choose to rebel. And directing anger or physical correction towards a child only tells a child that reacting in anger, or even worse, with physical violence, is perfectly ok. When you view parenting as a partnership, particularly as children become old enough to understand, when you use your creativity to lead via influence, not authority, when you gently guide a child towards appropriate behavior in innovative ways, THAT's when lifelong lessons are truly learned. Threats and punishment may have a short-term effect, but the lasting effect is more harmful than good.

School districts which deploy "zero tolerance" approaches are essentially modeling the behavior of a strict, authoritarian leadership structure, indeed subtly modeled on the concept of a "zero tolerance" God, though we may not realize this is so. Such approaches are based on fear, not on reason. Children are punished severely, even when there is no intent to commit an offense. I believe all such approaches in school administration will ultimately fail and be replaced. In the old days, even corporal punishment in public schools was allowed. Now it is almost universally frowned upon. Society has evolved, and society will continue to evolve towards a model which treats children with the loving respect they deserve, while still creatively guiding children to appropriate behavior. This is NOT the easy path - it is much easier to lay down the law in a strict authoritarian way, but we are capable of creatively devising the solutions to make it happen. And the result will be children who actually listen and become the balanced, loving citizens of Planet Earth we seek to create.

And now we come to the workplace. Authoritarian structures run rampant in just about every workplace environment today. We all know the difference between a good boss and a bad boss, and generally the bad bosses are the ones who do not know how to treat their employees with the respect they deserve, who choose not to listen to those they lead, who have forgotten that a true team is a partnership, not a dictatorship. Where did we ever get the idea that it is ok to yell at employees in the workplace? Yet such highly disrespectful, disempowering scenarios occur daily, with many workplace environments resembling abusive parenting households more than true teams. We must have the courage in business to lead with gentle influence, to take the road less traveled, to innovatively find ways to motivate those we lead, and to treat even the people on the lowest rung of the corporate ladder with the respect they deserve. People with good bosses already know why this works. Indeed the term "boss" itself has authoritarian implications. A true leader is not a "boss" at all.

And then we come to the ultimate authority structure of all: government. Our criminal justice system is failing us. That's because it is based on punitive, often unreasonable, vengeance-based, fear-based foundations, not on the intent to truly understand and seek to rehabilitate those who fall into its clutches. We see our impulse for vengeance in the punishment of accidental crimes, or of the mentally ill, or in punishing offenses based on the results, not the intent. Even when clear intent exists, we would rather slam the door shut and throw away the key, rather than seek to heal what caused the crime to begin with. Once again, our impulse in society to follow the strict, punitive path is based on age-old beliefs in an authoritarian God who does much the same.

Embracing a new form of enforcing the laws of society will require a huge paradigm shift, and it is not the easy path. Yet we will begin to treat people with the respect they deserve. And when it comes to leadership in government, we are finally evolving as a civilization beyond the kingship/emperorship/dictatorship model. Many of us are beginning to realize that government cannot rule with an iron fist, even if that's the apparently easy path (not really, since it ultimately leads to strife and dissolution). But still, we have a long way to go before we figure out how to define the government of a society based on true respect and influence, rather than authority.

There is an ultimate solution. It is evolution. The old fear-based approaches are based on survival-level existence, where fear is inevitable, where God is something to be feared, not simply Loved, where authority appears required just to survive. I truly believe our quantum leap to a new level of Consciousness holds the lasting key. And that is once again where peace not only becomes possible on Earth, but in every aspect of society.